Christ. Color me incredibly disappointed:

Here’s a startling figure from the Bureau of Transportation Statistics: In 2006, Amtrak made 29.7 cents of revenue per passenger, per mile (PPPM). Inversely, commercial airlines (arguably Amtrak’s toughest competition) made 13 cents PPPM. What’s this tell us? Well, Amtrak makes a ton of revenue from passenger tickets. And it doesn’t look as if this will change — that PPPM figure has been going up every year since 1994. For an organization who makes this much money from ticketing on top of the $1.332 billion it received in federal funding for fiscal year 2008, this seems more than a bit off. Amtrak needs to have external pressure placed on it to either improve service or reduce ticket prices. You can’t halve your cake and eat it too.

Similarly, the price structure for Acela Express trains is so out-of-whack, it’s almost like Amtrak makes the figures up out of thin air. If anyone wants to explain the logic in a ticket that’s advertised as “the fastest way to get to New York,” but is only about 25 minutes quicker (a gain that can easily be wiped out with any delay) and 76 percent more expensive - please do fill us in.

The Guest Rewards program could use an overhaul. Currently, you earn two points for every dollar you spend. But for a one-way coach ticket, you need 3,000 points (the equivalent of at least $1,500). Again: that’s one-way. Amtrak should do its most loyal customers a favor and at least make it plausible to get a round-trip fare without subletting your apartment.

To increase customer satisfaction, other small efforts could be made. For example, on our Thursday night train to Philadelphia, before boarding, we had to show our ticket to an Amtrak employee before accessing the platform — except there was only one ticket-checker for a full train on the busiest route Amtrak has. One extra set of eyes for 15 minutes would have moved things quicker and made people happier.

The real question lies in the fact that no one knows what to do next. Privatizing Amtrak would likely lead to its demise, while the organization hasn’t (obviously) done enough to garner support for more public subsidies (which is why the trains in Europe run so efficiently). Do leave any bright ideas you might have in the comments.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Try again, my friend.

That revenue figure? Let’s think about it. First, Amtrak has to pay for the network on which it runs. Either it owns the trackage and has to take care of capital expenses, or it pays to rent it from others. So comparing revenues between modes is foolishness. What’s more, the question isn’t revenues at all, it’s income, and Amtrak’s income is negative because it has to run a bunch of federally mandated long-haul lines that lose basketloads of money. Come on, dude, get a clue.

The price structure for Acela is out of whack. Says who? They charge what they charge because they can; because the demand is there, because people pay for the seats. I could just as easily write, “What’s up with first class plane tickets? They’re ten times the cost of coach, and you don’t get there any faster!” It’s price discrimination, and we should be happy that Amtrak is making as much money as it can on its profitable lines.

Look, if you want rail to be dirt cheap, you need to not bitch about Amtrak; you need to bitch about the political leaders who believe rail isn’t a priority. Given Amtrak’s financial constraints, it has to make money where it can. You don’t deserve a cheap train ride any more than you deserve a cheap airplane ride, but if you want one, you need to change the rules, not blame the companies.

And trade-offs. Yes, waiting in line sure is annoying. This, in part, is why so many people use Amtrak, because a 15 minute wait to get your ticket checked beats hell out of an hour long security line and a cavity search. Ticket checkers cost money, and Amtrak isn’t having any difficulty attracting new riders, so cut them some slack.

You want to fix rail in this country, here’s what you do. One - recognize the unfair playing field and fix it. Two - express to your political leaders that better rail is a priority for you, and that you’d like the federal government to reduce the $40+ billion spent on highways each year by just a bit, so that we can increase the $1 billion or so allocated to passenger rail.